


The Lights Are On (Everybody's Home)

by Hari_Aisu



Series: Coffee's for Closers [3]
Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Derek continues to fail, Hale Ladies are Amazing, Help, M/M, Only Fluffy Fail Exists Here!, Only hugs for derek, Stiles loves his fail, This doesn't stop being fun, Tragedy what tragedy?, and Stiles, cliches, coffee shop AU, this AU is eating me alive, tropes because of reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-05
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-22 11:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hari_Aisu/pseuds/Hari_Aisu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hale was not meant to be related to Derek Hale. </p><p>Derek was so positive of this, when the two of them were barely thirteen years old he had conducted a Power Point presentation to his parents about how one of them had to be adopted (Spoiler Alert: He thought it had been Laura) and that it was cruel to not tell the aforementioned child of said other family when it was obvious that she was not related to this one. </p><p>His parents had not been amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lights Are On (Everybody's Home)

  


Laura Hale was not meant to be related to Derek Hale.

Derek was so positive of this, when the two of them were barely thirteen years old he had conducted a Power Point presentation to his parents about how one of them had to be adopted (Spoiler Alert: He thought it had been Laura) and that it was cruel to not tell the aforementioned child of said other family when it was obvious that she was not related to this one.

His parents had not been amused.

Laura had, unfortunately, found it to be so hilarious she had almost ruptured her gut from laughing so hard.

There is a passing resemblance between the two siblings but other than that, they were two separate peas in completely different pods. They were as far away from alike as you could be while still being related to each other and Derek just didn’t get it.

Laura was beautiful and full of life, always willing to try something new with a single-minded fierce determination that made people like Derek jealous.

Derek was an angry recluse who was beautiful on the outside but socially obtuse on the inside and no, he wasn’t bitter about it, _what are you even trying to imply_?

When comparing the two, there was usually _no_ comparison to be had.

People loved Laura.

People were scared of Derek.

Stiles was bisexual.

And Laura was going to be waltzing into his home as if she owned it, eyes set on Derek’s new boyfriend like a shark about to attack its prey.

 _Fuck_.

 

* * *

 

“Are you ok?”

Derek put down the letter, eyes the size of saucers.

 _This was bullshit_.

 “Derek,” Stiles waved his hand in front of his boyfriend’s face, not sure whether he truly wanted to know what would cause the other man to become catatonic. “Derek, what’s going on? Did someone die? Is someone hurt? Are you needed at a family reunion? What is the problem and how can we fix it?!”

“My sisters are coming for a visit.” Derek stonily replied. “And they are going to be staying with Isaac and me for a week.”

“That sounds like fun!” Stiles felt his smile fall off of his face as Derek continued to glare at the paper. “I mean… it is going to be fun, right?”

“My sisters are not fun. They are evil. There is a reason that Isaac lives with me, Stiles.” Stiles gave the older man a slanted look. “And no, it’s not just because I’m the only one living in this state, the state which happens to house his school! What the Hell, Stiles!”

“You’re freaking out pretty heavily about this,” The outspoken barista patted his boyfriend on his head and went to go make them both a cup of coffee. It looked as if Derek could really use one right now. “I’m sure everything is going to be just fine. You’ll entertain her-“

Derek choked.

“You’ll show off your brand new boy-toy-“

Derek felt a sob clog up his throat, aching to be set free.

“And we will all have a good time until they leave, and then it’ll just be _you_ and _me_ again! And occasionally Isaac, but that sounds kind of weird in the context I meant it in so let’s just leave him out of it.”

The green-eyed writer internally curled himself up into a fetal position and cried.

He was doomed.

 _Doomed_.

 

* * *

 

Laura, which Stiles did _not_ know and thus had no idea what he was dealing with, had a habit of charming Derek’s significant others out of his bed and into hers.

This was not to say that she slept with any of Derek’s exes. Let it be known that she was _not_ that kind of horrible sister.

No, Laura had a tendency of showing off the much more versatile side of their family in terms of personality. She provided both good looks _and_ charisma, so by the end of the first meeting nearly all of his partners would always find Derek to be lacking. His boyfriends would always make the same comments over and over again, that he should be ‘more like Laura’ or ‘why can’t you be more… Hale-ish’, as if Laura were the spokesperson of the whole Hale family. His girlfriends were worse, some of them even thinking of _switching teams_ just by virtue of Laura’s amazing-ness.

His first girlfriend, Kate, had been the most obvious about it. Oh God, Derek was almost positive that if Laura had let her, she would have gone down on his sister with him watching _and why did he just think that, oh dear Lord, HIS EYES._

So here we come back to Stiles. Beautiful, wonderful Stiles who had taken months to woo ( _Read: creep around_ ) and who was quite frankly the most adorable boyfriend to ever exist _ever_.

Derek didn’t think he could take it if Stiles jumped over to Team Laura and said the eventual ‘so why are _you_ not more like _her_?’

He knew they would get along. They were both so similar in that ‘Everyone Loves Me’ type of way. But if Stiles ever looked at Derek the way all of his past partners eventually did then Derek was quite sure it would cause more damage than all of those experiences combined.

Because Stiles was perfect for him and if Stiles didn’t believe that in return, Derek was quite positive that it would break his heart.

 

* * *

 

“Little brooooother! We’re here!”

The dark-haired writer cringed as he was tackled onto the carpeted floor, the tiny but overly exuberant Laura Hale throwing herself onto the younger man as if he weighed nothing more than a stick. Cora Hale, the youngest of the Hale bunch, rolled her eyes at the doorway, obviously not willing to get her arms in on any of the Derek hugging action.

Derek couldn’t say he didn’t appreciate it.

“I missed you, Der-Bear! So did Cora, she’s just doing her weird teenager-angst thing or else she would hug you too!”

“I’m 18, Laura.” Cora deadpanned. “It’s not like I’m still going through puberty and trying to write emo-poetry. Unlike Derek, I don’t make being a sullen sourpuss my life-long career.”

And there was the reminder of why Derek couldn’t get along with Cora either. There was only so much broody asshole Derek could take and his broody asshole-ness took up the whole market.

Sass and Cora Hale went together like peanut butter and jelly. They were just meant to be.

“So where am I putting all my crap.” Cora stalked past her two older siblings, brown eyes observing the apartment as if it were the last place she would ever want to be caught dead in.

“There’s a guest room two doors down on the left-hand side. You and Laura can share since you gave me so little notice in coming.” Derek huffed out, pushing the older woman off of his person. “I don’t really have anything planned…”

“Surprising,” Cora coughed out, Laura all but glaring at her at this point.

“But I can take you guys out to dinner if you want to catch up.”

“Of course we do!”

“Yaaay.” Cora deadpanned, twirling her finger in the air in a circular motion.

She once again ignored the twin set of glares now pointed in her direction, all the shits she had to give let go a long, _long_ time ago.

 

* * *

 

“I need a coffee.” Cora pouted as they made their way out of the restaurant, Derek’s awkward posturing, Laura’s continual excitement and Cora’s sardonic comments making the whole night seem a lot longer than it had really been. “Where’s a good Starbucks when you need it?”

“I thought Starbucks was just a part of The Man’s idea to promote capitalism, one cup of crappy coffee at a time?” Laura jested, hanging off Derek’s arm like an ornament.

“I’m not a hipster, I’m a college student, learn the difference.”

Derek rolled his eyes.

He shouldn’t do it.

He really shouldn’t.

Starbucks was a much safer bet, crappy coffee and all.

 _He shouldn’t do it_.

 

* * *

 

Both Cora and Laura had seemed equal amounts of unimpressed as they walked into Foamy Coffee, green and brown eyes squinting in that judgmental stare that all Hales possessed.

That is, until Derek’s favorite barista came flouncing from the back and zeroed in right on Derek.

“Hey babe!” Stiles practically beamed, hoping over the shortest part of the counter and throwing himself around Derek’s shoulder as if he belonged there. Which he did. _All the damn time._ “I didn’t think you were going to be coming tonight.”

“Uh…”

“Hm…”

Derek gave the other man a casual, quick peck on the lips before turning to Cora and Laura, both of whom had the most confused looks on their face. It was obvious that Derek had not brought up Stiles while they had been conversating over dinner, his brain telling him that it was inevitable that they would meet and his heart screaming that Laura did not need the one-up on his boyfriend.

Better that they all meet while Stiles was on shift and Derek could use the excuse of Stiles needing to work when he felt he needed to leave then doing it on Laura’s terms which would require a family dinner and a whole lot of awkward questions that would make Derek want to commit suicide via food choking.

“Laura, Cora, I know I didn’t really bring this up during dinner but I want to introduce you guys to Stiles. My boyfriend. Partner. Person thing.”

Derek could hit himself.

Stiles looked as if he couldn’t decide between hitting Derek or snuggling him.

“He’s cute.” Cora purred from beside Laura.

What.

 _What_.

“Thanks,” Stiles smirked, still hanging off of Derek. “I try to keep it sexy for my man. You know, bringing all the boys to yaaaard.”

Laura snorted, obviously taking much amusement from the situation at hand. Derek kept his eyes trained on Cora, whose eyes were trained on _Stiles_. _His Stiles_.

 _Shit_ , he had been worried about the wrong Hale!

“Do you think we could get some drinks to go?” Laura practically detached her younger brother from Stiles’ person, her sweet smile tinged with a sharp edge of ‘do it or know the consequences’. “I know you’re working so we don’t want to interrupt your job. I’m sure Derek will set something up for all of us so that we can meet properly without any surprise attacks or job hours to get in the way.”

“Uh, sure.” Large brown eyes widened in fear, lengthy legs barely pausing before making their way back over the counter and behind the register. “So what can I do for you lovely ladies and beautiful, oh so sexy, very much loveable gentleman today?”

“I’m going to need the strongest cup of coffee you have with a paper-bag to capture any projectile vomit about to fly out of my mouth due to all of the cute.” Cora rolled her eyes but still kept the lithe barista in her sights. Derek _did not_ like the way his sister’s hazel-brown eyes raked up and down Stiles’ form but there was nothing he could say about it.

_For now._

“I’ll just have a hot chocolate.” The green-eyed sister kept staring at both of her siblings, a vague look of concern settled over her pretty features. It was almost as if she could sense the tense atmosphere hovering over both Cora and Derek and didn’t know what exactly to make of it.

“I’ll give you a hot chocolate too, babe. It’s too late for you to be drinking coffee.” Stiles smirked through Derek’s scowl but he said nothing to dissuade the younger man from making the drink. He refused to admit that when it got this late and he for whatever reason decided to visit the college student at the Foamy Coffee, he always got a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and a little bit of cinnamon powder dashed over the top. Stiles had made a couple of jokes about it at first but once Derek had admitted that he suffered from insomnia and regular nightmares and that drinking coffee after a certain time of night only made it all worse Stiles had let go of the jokes and proclaimed the order choice The Most Adorkable Thing Ever.

After a couple of minutes of waiting, each Hale had their preferred drink in their hands, no money used after the amber-eyed barista had proclaimed that Derek always got free drinks, and no, it had nothing to do with dating a professional coffee maker and everything to do with clumsy little girls and second degree burns.

The wink thereafter had not made the hot chocolate any easier to choke down.

  Derek had given the younger man another quick kiss and pushed his sisters out the door, Cora still giving his boyfriend the side-eye and Laura looking incredibly confused but inherently determined.

 Stiles waved at them until they were out of sight, already feeling as if he were smack dab in the middle of a family feud and unsure if it made him a horrible person for enjoying it.

 

* * *

 

“He’s coming to dinner tomorrow night. No excuses, Der-Bear.”

“Derek, your life just got ten thousand times more interesting in all the right ways.”

“Fuck my fucking life.”

 

* * *

 

The next day goes by slowly.

Derek isn’t able to see Stiles but does manage to text him the information for the ‘family dinner from Hell’ (Stiles, Derek was positive, was cackling as he read the text) along with keeping up a steady commentary with the brown-eyed barista that involved mostly flirtatious comments and emojicons.

Which he does not use.

Ever.

By the time it was almost time for dinner, Derek was a quivering mess of annoyance and impatience. Cora kept smirking at him when he least expected it and Laura would shoot these incredibly irritating questioning stares at his back, as if, if she stared at him enough, _he would break._

Any other day, Derek would have agreed. But today was not that day.

By the time Stiles was knocking on the door and singing out a ‘anybody home?’, Derek managed to pull him inside without so much as a hello and pushed him into his bedroom, eyes wild and anxiety blowing at full force.

“You should have canceled. _Why didn’t you cancel?!_ ”

“Uh, because I didn’t realize that was something you wanted me to do.” Stiles calmly smoothed out the crazed frown perched over Derek’s lips. It was obvious that this was a first for Stiles. He was not used to seeing this much emotion pour out from his boyfriend’s vestibules. “Dude, you need to chillax. Don’t you understand? I am here to woo family members and chew bubble-gum _and I’m all out of bubble-gum_. This is going to be great! Great times! _Nothing but great times_!”

“Cora wants to get in your pants.” Derek blurted out.

Stiles stared at the green-eyed man in confusion and shock.

“She wants to do you.” The constipated look on Derek’s face only got all the more furrowed as he spoke. “A lot. Please tell me that I’m not going to lose you to my little sister because I may just cry. And I’m an ugly crier.”

“In your defense,” Stiles replied dumb-founded “nobody looks cute crying. Even babies look like deformed little monsters when they cry.”

“ _Stiles_.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Derek.” The look that Stiles gave the older man could cut through steel, which was quite a feat considering who it was that was glaring. “I want you, not your creepy sister. Though I guess creepy is subjective in this family. I only want your brand of creepy, baby, don’t you worry. Be _happy_.”

Derek just couldn’t. He just _couldn’t._ “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“You love me, it’s ok, accept it. _Accept the love,_ Derek, because when you do… _my body is ready_.”   

“This dinner hasn’t even started yet and I’m already predicting it’s going to be a disaster.” Derek stated, his earlier blush now receding and his familiar scowl settled back over his lips. “I hate my life. I hate all things but I especially hate my life.”

“Even me?”

“… There’s always an exception to the rule.”

At this, Stiles took his hands and smooshed Derek’s cheeks inward and made a cooing noise so adorable, Derek would have mauled his face with his lips if they weren’t contorted in the strange position they now were in. “Awww… if we didn’t have to go eat dinner with your family in the other room I would totally sex the crap out of you, darling.”

“… I take it back. I hate you, too.”

“Sour-Pants, _no_!”

 

* * *

 

Dinner should have been a lovely affair.

Derek had his family, whom minus his brother he didn’t see all too often considering they lived a couple of states away, and his boyfriend, whom he quite generally could see himself putting a ring on it in the some-what near future. Because if you like it then you should really put a ring on it. That was the motto and Derek enjoyed it, ok?

Instead, as most things were in Derek Hale’s life, the dinner was horribly awkward.

Not for Stiles, of course.

Oh, _he was having the fucking time of his life_.

“So then he comes in, right, like just struts in like he just came out from some damn Calvin Klein shoot or something, and leans in onto the counter and says ‘Hey’, like he was fuckin’ James Dean or something. And we all know Derek can’t be suave for long, the universe is against that shit, oh my God, you don’t even know!”

Derek was going to kill his boyfriend. He was going to kill him _dead_.

Laura is in hysterics at this point, ready to drop over from laughing so hard. Cora’s constant stream of giggles fill in the gaps in between the gasps of breath that Laura hardly gets in, just as amused with Stiles’ story-telling skills, all of which include unnecessary hand gestures, flails and strange faces. Isaac, the asshole, continues to contribute at odd times but otherwise cojuls Stiles into telling more stories that both mortify and objectify Derek in the worst of ways.

“He gets his coffee and I think, oh my God, this man needs to be serviced in so many ways, I can’t even begin to describe what I would do to that face, let alone that body. And he starts leaning in, smokey eyes blaring sexy-times, porno-jazz music and shit… and then some kid just _barrels_ into him. And guess where the coffee goes?”

“I can tell you because I know this one!” Isaac interjects. “ _His fucking nipples_.”

A huge snort echoes over from Cora’s direction and Laura, who is already dying, _laughs even harder_.

Derek was positive that she had something to say but due to the insane amount of laughing coming from her direction, it just wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

“Derek,” Cora mumbles with hardly any breath, “what is _wrong_ with your luck?”

“But you don’t understand,” Stiles continues on as if he had never been interrupted “it only made him _more attractive to me_. Like, he would fail over and over and I would think ‘please keep doing that. I love it. I love it soooo much’ and he would and it was like God was giving me a present _every day_ , what have I done to get it so good with this man?!”

“You make me sound so incompetent.” Derek mourned his dignity as it quietly left the kitchen table, quite sure that if he had ever had any type of respect from Laura and Cora it was now gone.

“It’s not like Stiles is any better.” Isaac chirped up. “When he first came into the apartment for a study session with me and he saw Derek sitting in the living room, he literally swooned as soon as he got into my room and then proceeded to regale me with all the ways that Derek was perfect and why his ass and chest were parallel to none. Thanks for that, by the way. As if I needed to hear that kind of stuff about my brother.”

Stiles turned a bright red.

Derek smirked in return, glad that he wasn’t the only fail-worthy person in this relationship.

Because life might hate Derek but Stiles was no better off, really.

Both men pretended to ignore Laura and Cora, one of whom was practically on the floor from laughing so hard and the other was staring at Derek with a contemplative look on her face, and continued to eat with matching grins on their faces.

 

* * *

 

“I didn’t realize how much you liked him.” Cora absently remarked a couple days after the semi-disastrous (wonderfully amazing) dinner. Both she and Laura were set to leave in two days and it hadn’t been all as horrible as Derek would have imagined. The girls loved Stiles and Stiles was… well, Stiles.

And who didn’t love Stiles?

“Well, I do.” Derek quietly admitted. “A lot.”

“He’s good for you. But you knew that already.”

“Yeah.”

Derek gulped as Cora’s face darkened, eyes dark brown slits. “Don’t screw this up bro. I actually _tolerate_ and _like_ this one.”

If only Cora knew that every morning that Derek woke up and realized that Stiles was still his boyfriend, he repeated the same thing to himself as if it were a mantra.

‘ _Don’t screw this up_.’

“You know, you’re going to have to eventually introduce him to mom and dad if this is as serious as you think it is. And they are going to put the fear of _God_ in him.” Laura piped up, head poking out from the entry way of the kitchen like a freaking ninja.

Derek refused to comment on the strangled yelp that escaped his mouth afterwards.

As far as he was concerned _it never happened._

 

* * *

 

“I’m kind of sad they’re gone.” Stiles remarked as he nuzzled Derek’s neck, his body fitting into the nook that Derek provided for him quite nicely. “They were fun to talk to at least.”

“Now you’re just being crazy.”

“You’re just mad they know about the nipples-thing. And the awkward first date thing. And the awkward confession thing. Awkward _everything_ , really.”

“ _How could you tell them about all that_?!”

“How could I _not_?!”

“God,” Derek muttered, face hidden against Stiles’ shoulder. “At least we won’t have to worry about any more meet-and-greets for awhile.”

“Uh… about that.”

Derek felt his heart drop from his chest.

“I just got a text from Scott the other day!”

“… Oh God, no. Please, _no_.”

“He’s going to be stopping by for a couple of weeks and he wants to meet you!”

“ _Weeks_?! _As in more than one_?! ”

Stiles smiled sheepishly, doe eyes widening cutely.

“Surprise?”

_Life: Plus Infinity_

_Derek Hale: Negative Everything_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, not sorry about this amount of fail. Derek, stop being so adorable and maybe life will not continue to create hurdles you have to jump over in which you trip and smash your face onto the ground. Srsly. 
> 
> SRSLY. 
> 
> Stiles, you keep doing you. Because you are amazing and we need more crazy commentary on Derek's ass. YOUR COMMENTARY IS PIVOTAL. 
> 
> Make me stop, please! This AU is holding me captive and I'm drowning in cuuuute! *gurgle*


End file.
